Why I keep healthy as a dad for my autistic son
By Louise Kinross
Meet Paul Sahota, his wife Rachelle and son Rigel, 6, in our new A Family Like Mine video!
Rigel was diagnosed with autism at age two-and-a-half and one of his biggest challenges was a lack of speech.
He learned some sign language from television, then received a voice device to trial from Holland Bloorview. “It just opened up a new world of communication for us,” Paul says. “It allowed him to finally share all these ideas and thoughts in his head that he couldn’t communicate to us before.”
Preparing Rigel for transitions has helped reduce his frustration and meltdowns. “A key thing that we do a lot is a ten second countdown, and a lot of times [Rigel will] negotiate.”
Paul is a health coach for fathers, and says dads often get ignored when it comes to parenting.
“I want to help people who are like me who let family life responsibilities and work pressure overshadow focusing on their health… Just knowing that when you have children on a spectrum and they require so much time and energy, you need to be healthy. I think for dads… it’s not just about your physical health. And if you’re not taking steps to support your physical health, there’s probably a reason that’s coming from your mental health and your emotional health. And often dads keep that inside. They’re not so open to share that.”
Paul says his family values health care that is flexible in meeting Rigel’s needs. “There [have] been some cases where someone’s really trying to stick to their agenda, and it was a really tough time for my son. But just recently we had an occupational therapy session where they realized that he is quite active and it’s hard for him to kind of just sit still and focus. So they had a mixture of activities where, yeah, there was some sitting at the table, but then they would have a break where he could go run around and pick up heavy things to get that out of his system.”
When health professionals accommodate Rigel’s needs, Rigel and his parents are eager to see them again.
Paul says he used to be quick to judge parents before Rigel was born. “I am a very different person now… I would say the biggest thing is being free of judgment.” If he notices a parent struggling with an autistic child, “I just go up… and start a conversation, starting with, Hey, I have a son on the spectrum.”
Often Paul and Rachelle take down phone numbers from parents they meet in the community and stay in touch for support. If you’d like to connect with Paul, e-mail him at paul@rehealthdads.com
A Family Like Mine is a video series about diverse families raising children with disabilities. To view more videos from this series, visit our playlist.
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