Stares at the mall

Many of you know Sue Robins as the author behind The invisible mom, one of our most read posts about social isolation among families of children with disabilities. Sue recently took a poetry class and wrote this piece, which she says is fiction, based on her experiences raising her son with Down syndrome, and stories other families like hers have shared with her. Louise

Stares at the mall
By Sue Robins

Always the caboose
He’s minding the gap
At the back of the line.

Invisible but visible
Is a puzzling way to be
Stared at, all but ignored.

How old is he
The nurse asks his mom
He’s standing right there
A teenager, not a ghost.

I hate my face
He announces one hot July day
Sits on the bench, arms crossed, opting out of the moments.

I was asked
Many times by other moms
Do people stare at you in the mall?
Why yes, yes they do.

First they stare at my boy.
Then they stare at me.
They finish up by staring at my boy again. 

I see their heads turn
To and fro
As if we are a tennis match.
Marked by pity, not love.

This is how you stop making eye contact
Begin walking with your head down
And don’t leave the house.

We are not contagious we cry
But nobody hears us.
Instead they shush us to be quiet
And demand that he inspires them.

Our circle becomes smaller and smaller
Until we collapse into the tiny dot of our four walls
Passing the time by gently and together
Placing a fence of sticks
Against our respective hearts.