Parent power keeps families going during a child's hospitalization
By Louise Kinross
Every Wednesday night a group of parents gathers outside in the ravine area behind Holland Bloorview to munch on snacks and chat. Their children are hospitalized for rehab following painful bone and muscle surgeries or after traumatic brain injuries, and the parents have been living here with them for weeks to months. After dropping their children at recreation therapy or play group, this is a chance for parents, primarily moms, to share emotional and practical support.
"We need this for our mental health," says Barb Rayment (above photo left), who has been staying with her son Zach, 12, while he does rigorous therapy following a muscle-lengthening surgery. "We need this to cope. It's a lot of pressure and we're all deeply concerned for our children here and our other family at home that are alone. We need to be able to vent, without feeling like someone might judge us as not being a good parent. Here we have the freedom to curse and to cry and to say 'Why me, this isn't fair?!' Other parents get it. People can be quite down sometimes, and we need that break, once a week, to be able to go and laugh for a bit. It makes us all feel so much better."
Next Wednesday the group will celebrate the discharge of Jamie Doyle's son Brock, 4, who has spent three months here after a spinal cord surgery to reduce muscle spasticity. Jamie heard about the group when she first arrived. Now she and Barb walk the units on Wednesday to invite other caregivers.
"It's supportive to talk to people who can relate to your experience of seeing your child through intensive therapy," Jamie (above right) says. "It's isolating when people who support you at home don't really understand. Hospital mom friends are the only way to survive this."
The group, which generally draws about a dozen, focuses on issues parents bring to the table that day. "People come with things that are upsetting them, and because it's a weekly group, we also follow up with each other to ask 'How did that thing you mentioned last week go?'" Barb says.
Next week the parents will buy a cake to celebrate Jamie and Brock going home. After the parents meet outside, they'll pick their kids up from their activities and celebrate together on one of the units. "It's important to acknowledge that these moms made it and these kids made it," Jamie says.
The moms note that there's a formal, staff-led weekly chat group for caregivers on our brain injury unit, but not on the other two units. "We think all families could benefit from the same thing," Barb says.
Jamie and Barb welcome any inpatient parents to come to Spiral Garden on Wednesday nights between 6 and 8 to join the group.
